I was Skinny, Now I’m Invisible.

I belong to two different women only groups on Facebook.  I’ve never been very Lilith Faire and generally hate homogenized anything but after Trump was elected I indulged myself in an all you can eat fish fiesta that was opened 24 hours a day.

These groups are like reverse Penthouse Forum where ladies confess that they secretly love their kitchens and impractical shoes. There are some serious debates about public policy, family issues and addiction (you didn’t really think a box of wine a night was ok—did you?) and lately plastic surgery.

And I’m like—dafuq?!

You want to look like those ladies on Big Little Lies? Really? Call me fatty but I like the invisibility cloak of being almost 50 and carrying around a little junk. There is a reason I’ve never been to LA. and it’s mostly because Nicole Kidman and I are the same age and here is what I look like:

 I’m not posting a pic of Nicole Kidman next to me. If you don’t know what she looks like, imagine a 6 foot translucent fairy with enormous, round blue eyes.

<——this lady is not the woman you imagine sitting next to in coach. I may fit snug in my seat but I promise that I wont smell like stale weed and I stow my laptop in the overhead compartment.  I can also wait to make my phone call until I have deplaned like a real human.

I didn’t always look like a human gargoyle, I used to be really cute! I spent 20 years being definitely one of the top three good looking people in most Applebees.

I have always been a dorky outgoing type with a mildly inherited predisposition to alcohol which means that I’ve also suffered many fools.

Unwarranted opinions, unwanted conversations, lots of checking in to see if I was ok, as if an adult woman alone anywhere is some sort of emergency. Funny that no one does that to me now.

I can travel anywhere in the US and get not one random man telling me to “smile”.  Gee, I don’t know how I remembered to for this picture.

IMG_8363

———> This woman, the skinny, funny Meg Ryan look alike could smile on her own as well. I used to go to gay dance clubs not so much because I didn’t like a certain amount of attention but because I wanted to wear whatever I wanted to without becoming the human petting zoo exhibit I was in regular dance clubs.

I’ll admit that I need to lose a few dozen pounds but not because I want a bikini bod but because everything is a little easier when you can fit in an airplane seat better. Of course, diabetes and heart disease and cancer and blah blah blah….

Women could really do other younger women a favor by just aging any way you want to. I don’t see how trying to suck out every last ounce of fat or botox out your well earned smile lines sends a positive message  to anyone but it’s your dollar, chica.

2 thoughts on “I was Skinny, Now I’m Invisible.

  1. I likethe now version..the littler one always scared a little.the phrase”you can get home on you own right”was always hanging over any bar outing in those littler days.

    Liked by 1 person

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